Depression - N.A.D.A.
My journey coping with depression.
Have you ever done or said hurtful things as a result of an uncontrollable explosion of emotions? I have. I’ve experienced those racing thoughts and that sudden increased heartbeat. I’ve felt that rush of adrenaline surging through the body along with the teeth grinding, the eyes widening, the mouth opening and then BOOM! An array of obscenities are bellowed and arms flail wildly while onlookers watch in awe and disbelief. Experiencing such tantrums is almost like you’ve become a totally different person. It’s like another entity or personality has completely taken over, reminiscent of David Banner’s angry alter ego Hulk or Dr. Jekyll’s beast within, Mr. Hyde. And then comes the calm after the storm which almost always consists of feelings of guilt, sadness and regret. One of the seven deadly sins and arguably the most destructive emotions of them all, the impulsive actions of wrath and anger continues to ruin relationships and destroy lives. In order to regain some emotional stability, this roller coaster ride that I’ve taken everyone on with me must come to an end. Angry outbursts like these must be controlled, but how? Well let’s get to that now…
Being angry once and a while is one thing but having an ongoing anger issue is another. Ever since childhood I’ve had problems with controlling emotions. This lack of effective communication has resulted in many unprovoked outbursts on unsuspecting victims. My outbursts have strained and even ended many of my relationships. Fortunately I have a forgiving and understanding family who I am extremely thankful for. In adulthood road rage, public disturbances and holding grudges have been extremely problematic. Rage’s constant disruption in my life prompted me to start looking for answers using various resources. On my quest of enlightenment, questions I’d often and still contemplate are: Could it be that I’m passive aggressive or does it have something to do with a possible imbalance of some kind? Maybe my anger is caused by a resentment towards certain people or past situations. Or is it a result of repressed feelings or a self hate which is then displaced onto others? Whatever the source may be, these rage fueled actions are inexcusable and I apologize to all those I’ve hurt and offended.
At one point I attended an anger management class. The information offered at the class has provided some insight as to why I’ve been so angry. The classes provided information and tips on how to better control and deal with rage. I’ve found that if you don’t express your feelings as they are felt, these angry outbursts are more likely to occur. Everyone has the right to feel anger but the way in which we deal with it is what determines whether there’s a positive or negative outcome. A controlled anger is sometimes the best way to complete tasks and achieve goals. The key to getting one’s point across effectively is to be assertive. Unlike aggression, assertiveness is a less confrontational yet confident way of conveying one’s message. I’ve posted some website links at the end of this blog entry for anyone who would like some more information on anger management and assertiveness techniques. If it’s difficult to verbally communicate your feelings, another way of expressing one’s thoughts is to write journal entries or emails (to yourself as a release or to the person you’d like to address). And this may not always be the wisest choice, but using one of the many popular social networking sites to vent may relieve some stress. This can also be an effective approach of letting someone know how you feel without directly addressing them. Another anger management technique is to surround yourself with people who understand your triggers And of course avoiding confrontations altogether is the best technique of all. Finding other techniques and coping mechanisms that assist in adverting oncoming tantrums or to help cope when in the heat of a confrontation is a step in the right direction to controlling one’s anger.
Over the years I’ve been working at controlling my rage and challenging and expressing emotions in less destructive ways. Although I’ve made progress, my journey is far from over. By using techniques that work for me, one of which is using this website as a forum for self expression, I continue to fight daily to control the beast within. And although the battle continues, the outcome seems to be leaning in tranquility’s favour.
Do you know anyone with anger issues? Do any of you have trouble managing your own anger? If so what do you do to help control your rage? To conclude this entry I’d like to leave you with some wise movie quotes on anger which I’ve found very inspiring. Thanks again everyone.
“….Possess the right thinking. Only then can one receive the gifts of strength, knowledge, and peace. I have tried to channel your anger, Raphael, but more remains. Anger clouds the mind. Turned inward it is an unconquerable enemy. You are unique among your brothers, for you choose to face this enemy alone. But as you face it, do not forget them, and do not forget me. I am here, my son”
– Master Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles the movie)
“Remember Erik, True Focus lies somewhere between Rage and Serenity”
– Professor Xavier (X-Men: First Class)
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
– Master Yoda (Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace)
Here are the Anger Management and Assertiveness website links that I promised: